Meet Bobbie — 6 years old, professionally mysterious, and currently accepting applications for a full-time human assistant. Bobbie is a sleek black feline with the soul of a retired jazz musician and the energy of a guy who pays taxes on time but still steals your seat the second you stand up. He enjoys long walks… from the couch to the food bowl, dramatic staring contests at 3 a.m., and supervising all household activities from a distance of exactly four feet. His hobbies include: Judging your snack choices Pretending he’s never been fed before Yelling into empty rooms for artistic reasons Sitting in tiny boxes despite having zero spatial awareness Bobbie is six years old, which means he’s past the “climb-your-curtains-like-a-demon” phase and fully into his “distinguished gentleman who would like a heated blanket” era. He’s equal parts cuddle bug and tiny panther. One minute he’s curled beside you purring like a lawn mower, the next he’s sprinting through the hallway because he saw a dust particle move suspiciously. Fun facts about Bobbie: Wears black year-round because it’s slimming Believes every Zoom call should include him May quietly follow you into the bathroom “for security purposes” Has never committed a crime in his life and would appreciate you not asking further questions Ideal home: someone who appreciates sarcasm, soft paws, and having a tiny shadow with whiskers. Adopt Bobbie and gain: ✔ A roommate ✔ A therapist ✔ A heated loaf of bread with opinions