Meet Bootsie: The 9-Year-Old Diva Who's Done Tolerating Nonsense Listen up, dog lovers — Bootsie has arrived, and she's not here to play games (unless it involves treats). This 9-year-old queen weighs in at a mighty under-20 pounds, which is impressive considering the sheer size of her personality. She's house trained, leash-ready, and will absolutely love you unconditionally — as long as you follow her very reasonable list of rules. Her Rules: Rule #1: Do NOT pick her up. She is not a purse dog. She is a dignified woman. Rule #2: Hands off the back and sides. She didn't say you could touch there. Rule #3: Bring snacks. Always bring snacks. She is highly food motivated and will respect you more for it. Bootsie does have a small lump on her shoulder, but don't worry — the vet confirmed it's benign. It's basically her villain origin story scar, and it only makes her cooler. She gets along great with other dogs, as long as they mind their business. Confrontational dogs? Hard pass. She needs an adult-only home with a fenced yard — because children are chaotic and Bootsie deserves peace. In return for your patience and respect, Bootsie will reward you with fierce loyalty, couch cuddles on her terms, and the honor of being chosen by a dog who has standards. Apply at www.rescue330.org — if you think you're worthy. Bootsie's adoption fee is $150.