Boo! Are you scared? You probably should be. Christifury looks like a fluffy 12-pound lapdog, but everyone who’s met him can tell you: he’s a demon in disguise. His rap sheet runs deep—his old owner even called the cops to have him removed after a campaign of chaos. A year and a restraining order later, he found himself with a jail record and nowhere to go. Christifury seems to think life fumbled his true calling: instead of being hired as a K9 cop or personal protection dog (as he believes a Maltese/Shih Tzu/Gremlin mix should be), he runs laps around domesticity, perpetually disappointed that his mighty bark doesn’t command more respect. He is highly offended by men, children, most strangers, and a litany of daily disturbances—delivery people, vets, nap interruptions. If there was a Hall Monitors’ union, he’d run it. Christifury is charming to women but has rules you will learn, often the hard way. He can tolerate some small dogs if they’re not too wild but will shout them down in a heartbeat if necessary. Small, smart, non-shedding, and surprisingly good on walks, this little menace will keep your office chair warm (and maybe write emails for you if you don’t pay attention). Forget fetch; if he’s in a good mood, he’ll show off his toy like a prize he has no intention of sharing. At about 8 years old and with only a mild, non-medicated heart murmur to note, Christifury is probably plotting another eight years of mischief. He refuses to change, doesn’t believe in personal growth, and if you’re silly enough to cross his boundaries, well, that’s on you. Christifury is searching for a laid-back lady adopter with a strong sense of humor and a very thick skin. Other mellow small dogs can work, but nobody who craves a polite socialite. Don’t bother trying to “fix” him. He’s tired of playing the pet society expects. If you’re still reading and nodding, perhaps you’re the right combination of brave, weird, and patient to give him the home that matches his unique flavor of disaster. Ready to meet your new best friend? Apply now!